Irvy, called Taokaka (duokinneas) wrote in rurounisues,
Irvy, called Taokaka

  • Mood:
  • Music:

When your first fic is this bad, maybe you should figure you're not destined to write. Ever again

Story Or Series Title: Shoki Sakura. We know immediately it's a Sue from the usage of "Sakura" in the title.
Fandom: Rurouni Kenshin OMG KENSHIN'S DAUGHTER!!1!11!!!1!1
Culprit Author's Name: Tenshi Ryu. Cute abuse of fangirl Japanese, honey.

Full Name (plus titles if any): Himura Sakura. (That's my proper name order, not hers.) Poor, poor, tortured Kenshin.
Full Species(es): Spawnificus repulsivum
Hair Color (include adjectives): As described in the second chapter, also known as pathetic author's note (which I kindly reported for abuse, by the way), "black hair (sometimes in a ponytail sometimes lose)."
Eye Color (include adjectives): Apparently, violet, also according to that author's note.
Unusual Markings/Colorations: Shockingly, none!
Special Possessions (if any): Horrible memory. The idiot child forgot her own birthday. Honestly, she's thirteen; she's of an age that it still matters when another year goes by. Plus voices in her head. But you know, those are normal. So is talking back to them.

Annoying Origin: Supposedly Kaoru's womb, but I'm not believing that.
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: Kenshin and Kaoru's darling ickle daughter. Personally, I say she's possessed them and plans to murder them in their sleep, but that's just me. How else could she be nearly so idiotic? Oh, wait. She's a self insertion. Never mind.
Annoying Special Abilities: Erasing Kenji entirely! I mean ENTIRELY. She replaces him with "Keitaro" instead. Although you shouldn't blame her, because, as she says, "this is my first ever fanfic so please forgive me if I've wrote a thing or two incorrect." What, like that sentence? Two words: written and incorrectly. And having no Kenji isn't minor; erasing characters is unforgivable, despite any little girl's author's notes. Oh, yeah, and she's "in love with sword fighting," too. No comment. Sword fighting x Mary Sue = OTP!!!
Other Annoying Traits: Making the year be 1792, yet still supposedly the twenty-fourth year of Meiji. Sorry, sweetie, that's not the Meiji at all; that's the Edo-jidai. Pre-revolution. Get it right!

Please include a small sample of the worst of this story: Dare I?

“Sakura...Sakura...” said a female voice.

“Huh?” She talks aloud to voices in her head? She really is screwed up!

“Your destiny shall find you Sakura.”

“What destiny? What are you talking about?”

“You shall find out...soon.” Then the light disappeared and Sakura felt herself being overcome by the darkness.
Sakura woke up in the forest underneath the tree she was sleeping on.

“It was a dream.” But...what did she mean by ‘my destiny’?
“Sakura!” called Kenshin.

“Dad?” Sakura turned her head toward the direction her father was coming from. “How did you find me?”

“I think I’ve had you long enough to know how you think. Come on, we have to get home.” But actually, Kenshin had an amazing ability to hunt out irritating Mary Sues, since they seemed to pop up constantly these days.

“For what?”

“Have you forgotten what today is?”

“Uh, Wednesday?” Sue intelligence rears its ugly head.

“No. Your birthday.”

“My birthday! How could I have forgotten my own birthday?” It's a character development issue that your creator could never understand.

“Well if you don’t want your presents, you don’t have to come.”

“Nani? Are you kidding? Let’s go!”
On the way back to the dojo, Sakura didn’t think about the presents she would get for her birthday or what her mother would tell her, but about her dream and the destiny that might await her.
“Yay!” Tousan and Neesan are back!” cheered Keitaro. Not even going into it.

“Hey, Kei! I see you’ve woken up!”

“Where were you, Sakura?” Kaoru asked.

“Just training in the forest.”

“You know Sakura, you could have a better sense of time, ne?”

“Okay, Mom. I promise that won’t forget anything as important as this again.”

Yeah, like that’s going to happen. thought Kaoru. Seeing as I'm going to kill her, she mentally added.

“So where are they?” asked Sakura.

“Where are what?” asked Kaoru.

“My presents! Where are they?” My, my, what a greedy little thing she is, too.

“How’d you- Kenshin!!” Kaoru glared daggers at Kenshin.

“Calm down Kaoru! She was going to find out sooner or later, right?” Kenshin scratched the back of his head and laughed nervously.

“But I wanted it to be a surprise!”

“It’s all right, Mom. I’m still surprised. I didn’t really expect a party. Heck, I didn’t even know today was my birthday!” "Because my character isn't developed enough to have one!" she added before they dragged her out of the dojo at the threat of Kenshin reverting.

“How’d you forget your own birthday?” asked Keitaro.

“Never mind, Kei.”said Sakura. “So when are we going?”

“Going where?” asked Kenshin.

“Wherever you guys are having my birthday picnic.”

“Kenshin! You told her that, too?” Once again, Kaoru pulls a bokken out of nowhere and makes her way towards Kenshin Nice period there. Oh, and Kaoru? She's not a murderous bitch, contrary to popular belief.

“Oro? No! I didn’t tell her about that!” waving his hands in front of him.

“I heard you and Dad talking about it yesterday.” said Sakura.

“Oh.” Kaoru dropped the bokken and Kesnhin sighed a sigh of relief. Who's Kesnhin? Surely not the redheaded rurouni we've all come to love. Surely this is another Sue! Quick, kill it! It sired another one!

“Well, when are we going?” Sakura asked again.

“At 5:00, okay?” said Kenshin “Just be patient until then.”

“Of course Otousan, I’m very patient.” said Sakura And walked back to her room.
Yeah right! I’m not patient! I just want my presents. Funny, I thought her name was Himura Sakura. But then again, names get mixed up when authors play with the shift key while writing conjunctions.

Sakura... A voice in Sakura’s head said.

“Oh no. Not you again. What do want now?”

Your destiny comes closer.

“My destiny? I don’t even know what it is!” To die a very painful death at the hands of pissed off Sue hunters, that's what.

And there you have it, folks. Thank the gods for abuse reports.
  • Post a new comment


    default userpic
    When you submit the form an invisible reCAPTCHA check will be performed.
    You must follow the Privacy Policy and Google Terms of use.
One thing that annoys me the most about Sues is their ability to take any setting, in any historical era, and make everyone sound like a bunch of American high school teenagers. >.
Well, wasn't that sporkable. At the beginning I kept expecting to hear "If you build it, they will come." Yeesh.
I was hoping the voice would say, "Jump the cliff, bitch. End it now."
No, Kenshin has only one child. A boy, named Kenji. He would not have any other. Anyone who owns the Manga, would know that only Kenji was mentioned in the future. NObody else aside from him...grrr...
Icon love <3
I pointed this out in a review, but I'm sure she's shrieked, panicked, and deleted it by now. It pisses me off to no end when Suethors start erasing canon characters.
To die a very painful death at the hands of pissed off Sue hunters, that's what.


Icon LOVE.

Nothing else to say.

Deleted comment

Well, what with that "Kesnhin" guy in there, I figure that maybe we can fake it and write it off as the Suethor making a whole new cast of prequel!Sues.

The usage of Japanese titles is okay, if you happen to A) write well, B) know what you are doing, C) understand the fandom, and D) not overdo it. I can understand people using Japanese titles in Rurouni Kenshin, as long as they obey those four stipulations.

And thank you. ^_~ Icon love to you as well!
Your destiny comes closer.

Oh no...oh, no, here it is, it's gonna get you, AAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!!!!!

And the Sue was unfortunately killed by a flying destiny of DOOM.

Extra sporks for making Kaoru and Kenshin out of character. ::sporkity sporkity spork spork::

Really, this wouldn't be so bad if the writing was at all good or the girl wasn't a Sue. You could make Kenshin and Kaoru have a daughter, I'm sure--just don't make her EvilSueGirl.

I mean, an AU fic with a daughter of Kenshin's could be done, and well, (I'm thinking of LSRV as one I've read) but this is just hideous.

And I agree with whoever mentioned the painful high school teenager talk (and I'm one of 'em! Le gasp!). And the voices thing... omgwtfgraaarrr*spork*.

*waves* Hi! I'm new!
Welcome! **waves back** We can always use more Rurouni Kenshin fans to Sue hunt!

Oh, joy, high school teenagers... I shouldn't go into it upon risk of ranting. These Suethors make me ashamed to be a teenaged girl. They give us all a bad, bad name, both in writing and otherwise.
AH!! Not Kenji!! He was so cute!

I really hate it when Sues cut out canon characters... Grr...

*holds up katana* Let's go hunting shall we? ^-^

I'd love to help in the Sue hunt!!! *grins*