ohkami1175 (ohkami1175) wrote in rurounisues,

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And now I bring you the staple of suedom...

Poor Ken-sama's sister! This is probably the worst sue I have ever seen.

Story Or Series Title: Wandering Sister?
Fandom: What else? The fandom of a certain ex-streetfighter who is usually very, very OOC in fanfic.
Culprit Author's Name: Robyn of Sherwood (I hate names spelled with "Y" when good ol' "I" would be just fine. It's pretentious.)

Full Name (plus titles if any): Himura Kyoke, but always written Western style in the story. Kenshin calls her "Keke". AKA "Hitokiri Rose". ROSE? *dies*
By the third chapter, it has been changed to Kusara. ("Okay I got tired of Kyoke. I dont like it. I'm changing it to Kusara. Instead of Keke it's Sara.") That's enough, right there. I'm releasing Trogdor on her right now.

Full Species(es): Someone's Sister 'Sue/Dormant Demon
Hair Color (include adjectives): Red
Eye Color (include adjectives): Yellow. "[H]er eyes bore the look of someone more world weary than an eighteen year old."
Unusual Markings/Colorations: "Kenshin had the cross scar but Kyoke's scar was a line that ran across her left eye and the left sides of her nose and lips. Forehead to chin." "They're ... *eyeroll* eyes were different but they were the same height and aside from Kyoke's woman parts and the fact that she was more physically strong than the wiry Kenshin, they looked like twins."
Special Possessions (if any): A billowing black cloak. With eyes. I swear to god. HER CLOAK IS ALIIIIIIIIIIIIVE! Run away! "Yellow eyes glittered from the depths of her cloak." See?
Oh, and "[h]er voice was low and sensual, not intentionally, just really low." And an "English lilt" to her voice.
And she has a sword. And a "red kendo". (...) And a "dormant demon" inside her.

Annoying Origin: Apparently, was born Kenshin's sister YEARS AFTER HIS PARENTS DIED FROM CHOLERA. But "for the purposes of this fic", Kenshin is 24 (in canon, he's 28 at the beginning). Let's do some math here. If Kenshin is 24 in this fanfic, he would have become a hitokiri at 11. And she went to England. to meet Robin Hood. *brain explodes* Oh, and she's on a mission to kill one of the male canon chracters. I don't know who.
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: Kenshin's sister. My sue-hunter insticts tell me she is going to be paired with "Sanouske". *eyeroll*
Annoying Special Abilities: Being born from a very, very dead couple. Having a living cape. Mad female hitokiri sword skillz: immense strength and Kenshin's speed. Demon powerz. See 'worst of the story'. Cooking better than Kenshin.
Other Annoying Traits: Making Sano into a "violent drunk", though in canon, he seems to be more to be slightly depressive and thoughtful when drunk. But this is Sueverse. Changinging her name in the middle of the story. Meeting Robin Hood. Misspelling names left and right. Having a "dormant demon" dwelling inside of her in a pretty much normal universe (Okay, there's ki, and impossibly tall people, and impossible sword skills, and blue-green lipstick, but otherwise, it's normal!). Teaches Kaoru how to cook.

Please include a small sample of the worst of this story:
She went to England to do something. I went to my happy place to escape from the horror of it all. Oh, sweet logic! Why have you desrted me! *weeps*
""Well, I just got back from England. Your famous there." she said. Kenshin looked shocked. "They cant pronounce you name though. They just call you Ken. I believe that your fame rivals that of the great Robin Hood." They'd all heard of the famous English outlaw who stole from the rich to give to those who needed it.

"Really? So Ken and Robin are what everybody in England is talking about?" Yahiko asked.


"But why?" Kenshin asked.

"Because when people know that you kill anyone you want, it causes quite a scandal." Kenshin finally noticed that her voice had an english lilt.

"But Kenshin doesnt kill like that anymore!" Kaouru said, scandalized. Kyoke shrugged.

"Neither does Robin. He never did. I met him. He's the decent sort." she said, sipping her sake.

"You met Robin Hood?" Yahiko asked. Kyoke nodded into her sake.

"You know Ken," Kaouru said quietly as Yahiko quizzed Kyoke about Robin Hood; "If she drinks as much as Sanouske we might have a problem."

Kenshin looked at his sister, deep in a cup of sake, nodded."

All about Kyoke's/Kusara's 1337 demon skillZ.
""You s-dont hav's to." said a voice ahead of them. Kenshin looked forward and saw Kusara looking at him. "I'm a little buzzed but-hic-whatever I-hic-do it'll be s'my fault." she said. Instead of the yellow that her eyes usually were they had turned a violent shade of green. Kaoru stopped short. Kenshin looked at her.

"Her eyes..." she whispered, her eyes were wide and staring.

"She has a dormant demon dwelling inside of her." Kenshin explained, whispering, as if it were nothing. Sanouske kept singing.

"Isnt that-dangerous?" Kaoru asked.

"Only to people she doesnt like." said Kenshin. Kusara, her eyes were still that violent shade of green, waved a hand toward Sanouske who stopped, suddenly sober.

"How?" Kaoru said her hands over her mouth.

"It's one of her powers." Kenshin said.

"But only dragons-" Kenshin had placed his hand over her mouth. Kaoru looked at him.

"Your annoying her Miss Kaoru, that you are. Her demon is indeed a dragon but do not mention it." Kenshin whispered and, checking that Sara and Sanouske were wholly sober he left them and led Kaoru and Yahiko home.

Kusara smirked and ran forward to Sanouske's side.

"How did you do that?" Sanouske asked. "Make me sober like that?" He wasnt looking at her.

"What makes you think that I did it?" Kusara asked in a cool voice. Sanouske laughed.

"I heard your voice in my head. You said Stop. And then I sobered, and you did too." Sanouske looked down at her, still walking. Kusara was staring straight ahead not looking at him or anyone else. She had not heard the whispered conversation between Kenshin and Kaoru. She did not know how she was able to sober Sanouske up."

*brain implodes*
Here is the link, if you dare: http://www.fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=1353053

EDit: Someone pointed out that there was green lipstick in the Meiji Era in Japan. See below for more detail.
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